


Adverse Effect

by violetra



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Dark, F/M, Grooming, Lust, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Minor Violence, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 18:25:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16959204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetra/pseuds/violetra
Summary: You’re a new staff member for a psychiatric hospital outside of Atlanta where you’ve discovered a journal hidden inside a chess box. Inside are the written encounters between a mysterious caretaker named Joseph and a young woman who was a patient at the facility.





	Adverse Effect

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this after reading Joseph’s wiki page that said he worked as a caretaker for a psychiatric hospital. I hope you all enjoy this!

_June 23 rd_

Well, I haven’t written in this journal for weeks because it’s been the same here for weeks. I wake up, I take my pills, I eat, I sit around, then I go to sleep. Nothing new has changed since that lunch lady with the big mole got arrested for doing drugs in the parking lot (meth I heard, not sure) until today.

There’s a new caretaker here, introduced himself as Joseph to my wing. He seemed a bit odd, making sure to shake each of our hands, even Larry’s who tends to have a finger up his nose most of the time. The other staff didn’t seem too pleased with it, but they stood there and allowed him to go down the line.

Joseph’s a bit older, but he is the most handsome man here, at least since Tim left. I couldn’t help but blush a bit as Joseph shook my hand. His eyes are the most beautiful blue. No telling how long he’s going to last in this place.

_July 5 th_

Joseph came to me last night. He heard me in my room crying, upset about the loud fireworks going off outside. He sat down on my bed and told me that the noises were only temporary. He told me that a lot of terrible things were temporary.

He touched one of my legs through the covers. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

_July 20 th_

Joseph has been nice to me these last few weeks. Before I didn’t have anyone to play Connect Four with, but he always stops by now and then to play a few games. He keeps telling me he’s going to teach me chess soon, he says I need “something challenging.” Those few minutes I spend with him are becoming the highlight of my days here.

_July 29 th_

I dreamed about Joseph last night. I was sitting in my room and he was next to me. We were holding hands and not saying a word to each other. We were listening to the rain hit the window. I couldn’t help myself when I woke up. I **really** want him to touch me.

_August 7th_

Joseph found a chessboard and pieces in a dusty closet somewhere on the grounds. I’m shocked that he cared enough to look around. He took me out to the courtyard to get away from all the others. He said I needed the fresh air.

He’s a good teacher. I got upset at one point for not understanding a maneuver he used. I’m so embarrassed for flipping the board on the ground. But he stayed and calmed me down. He’s one of the few people who hasn’t called me “crazy” or a “bitch” here. He told me to meet him out in the courtyard during leisure time for now on.

_August 12 th_

Today Roy went on another rampage. This time it was because the cafeteria ran out of red jello. Everyone knows to save Roy a cup of red jello.

He started flipping chairs and tables. He spat on patients, cursed, and flipped us all the bird as he picked up trays of food and flung them towards the staff.

Then, out of nowhere, Joseph came up to him from behind. Instead of wrestling Roy to the ground, Joseph touched his shoulders and began talking quietly in his ear. No one was close enough to hear what he had said, but soon after Roy looked around the room stunned. He got on the floor and curled into a ball. The rest of the staff just stood there in silence, mouths opened in disbelief. It wasn’t surprising to me in the slightest.

_August 24 th_

While playing chess today with Joseph, he started telling me about his family. He told me about how abusive his parents had been. He also told me about how he’s been trying to locate one of his brothers here in Atlanta. He told me how he had been on his own most of his life. I can’t believe how similar his story is to mine.

He told me that he had been trying to understand more about religion and about God for the last few years. I asked him to explain but he said he couldn’t right now. He said it wasn’t the right time to tell me.

_September 2 nd_

I told Joseph today that I wanted to learn more about the Bible. For most of my life I never got to go to church much. He placed his hand over mine and said he’d love to read me the stories. I can’t stop smiling.

_September 9 th_

Joseph has been gone since yesterday.

_September 10 th_

Joseph’s been gone for two days.

 _September 11 th_

Joseph’s been gone for three days.

_September 12 th_

I asked a nurse today if they knew where Joseph was. They said he had taken a few days off. I’m glad he’s not gone forever.

_September 15 th_

Joseph came back today. I was angry with him. When I walked out into the courtyard and saw him sitting there like nothing had happened, I lost it. I yelled and struck him, but he just stood there like a wall. He didn’t even flinch when I called him an asshole.

He made sure we were alone before he touched my cheeks and told me to calm down. I did, and he smiled.

He explained that he had found his brother and had taken a few days off to catch up with him. Apparently, he’s some big, rich lawyer.

He apologized for leaving and not telling me. I forgave him.

_September 20 th_

Joseph snuck me in his personal bible today. He said it meant a lot to him and he wanted me to have it. I’m about to start reading it tonight.

_September 31 st_

I think I’m getting good at chess. Joseph gives me this big smile every time make a good move. He says I’m really smart.

_October 6 th_

I blacked out yesterday. They said I threw a fit and screamed at everyone. I woke up inside one of those canvas covered bathtubs. Joseph was there sitting in a chair next to me. I was embarrassed thinking about how he might have seen me naked, but he’s not like other men.

I asked him if he could wash me. He didn’t say anything for a minute, but he did finally say yes. He recited bible verses as he ran a washcloth over me. Part of me wished he had done more.

_October 14 th_

Joseph’s been teaching me more about the Bible. While we were playing chess today, he told me the story about Daniel in the Lion’s Den.

Daniel was thrown to the lions to be eaten overnight. However, Daniel trusted God and by praying to him that night, he was spared from the lion’s jaws.

Joseph told me that I need to start trusting the powers of God, just like he had done himself. He says I need to trust him.

_October 20 th_

I went to the cafeteria today and one of the mean patients said I was sleeping with Joseph. I punched their face. Everyone thinks I’m sleeping with Joseph now.

_October 31 st_

The Halloween party was tonight. We didn’t get any candy because of the incident last year. Just fruit. Joseph snuck me a tootsie roll when no one was looking.

_November 2 nd_

I blacked out again today. This time I tried to strip down naked and run down the halls. I woke up inside the same tub, but a nurse named Martha was next to me this time. I asked her where Joseph was. She told me to stop asking about him and that male caretakers weren’t allowed to be with female patients in the bathroom. She told me they’d be changing my medication soon.

_November 7 th_

I’ve been feeling tired lately. Instead of playing chess with Joseph I’ve been laying on the couch in the TV room dozing off and on. I’m getting sick of hearing Fox News in the background. _  
_

_November 13 th_

Joseph came to my room tonight. He told me the new medicine they had me on was changing me. I don’t want to be a different person. I don’t want to upset him.

He told me I was too intelligent to succumb to medicine that was only going to make me unhappy.

He taught me how to hide pills, and that he could hide them for me. I’m excited to stop feeling so tired all the time.

_November 22 nd_

Joseph told me the story of Noah and the Ark inside today. It’s getting too cold to sit out in the courtyard now.

He told me about how Noah heard God and that no one believed him. Noah built the ark to save himself, his family, and two of every animal. Everyone else perished in the floods. Joseph asked me if I trusted him. I told him that of course I did. He’s the only person to show me true kindness here.

He touched my hair today as well. He told me it was soft.

_November 30 th_

I asked Joseph more questions about his family today. He told me that he used to have a wife. I got really upset with him for not telling me. He told me she died in a car crash and that it was painful to talk about sometimes.

He also told me he had a daughter who had died. He didn’t tell me how.

_December 8 th_

I didn’t want to play chess today so instead Joseph and I began working on a mysterious puzzle without a finished picture on the box. I cried when he told me we had to put it up before dinner. I didn’t even get to figure out what it was.

_December 9 th  _

Joseph came in this morning and surprised me with a picture of the completed puzzle. He spent the whole night putting it together. It’s a picture of a beach in Hawaii. I cried again and told him I wanted to go there. He said that maybe he could take me there one day. I can’t believe he took that puzzle home and finished it just to show me. I have the picture hanging on the wall now. ~~I think I love him.~~ I love him.

_December 16 th_

I asked Joseph today if he had a picture of his wife. I was surprised when he rolled up his sleeve and showed me a tattoo of her on his forearm.

She was very beautiful. It’s hard to not be jealous. He touched his arm and looked sad afterwards. He rolled his sleeve back down and didn’t say much the rest of the day. I wonder if he’d like me more if I dyed my hair.

_December 24 th_

Tonight, was one of the best Christmas Eve’s of my life. Joseph gifted me a cinnamon roll and said he got it from a bakery near his apartment. He had remembered when I had told him I loved cinnamon rolls.

_December 25 th_

I didn’t see Joseph today. I was forced to sit in the cafeteria and watch “A Miracle on 34th Street.” I hate that movie.

_January 1 st_

I told Joseph my New Year’s Resolution was to finish reading his bible, so I could give it back to him. He told me to keep it even after I was done. He touched my hair again and told me I had pretty eyes. I told him he did as well.

_January 4 th_

People are saying that I’m having sex with Joseph for treats. Nothing else new.

_January 9 th_

Joseph looked upset today. He wouldn’t tell me why. He told me he didn’t want to worry me. I broke down and told him I loved him. He said that he loved me too. I wonder if he’d marry me despite our age gap. I’m about the same age as his wife was. 

_January 11 th_

I had another dream about Joseph last night. This time we were married. We lived in a small cottage by the sea, and it was just us. He wore a nice sweater and my hair wasn’t so frizzy. I wanted to put my head through a wall when I woke up. _  
_

_January 12 th_

Joseph brushed my hair today. He told me I’m going to get a roommate in the next few days. I really don’t want to share my room. My last roommate tried stealing my pillow every night. I ended up pushing their head into a wall. That’s when I was given my own room.

Joseph said he won’t be able to visit me as much anymore. I’ll have to figure out how to get rid of my roommate.

_January 13 th_

I was crying in my room again tonight. I don’t remember why but Joseph came in and sat me up in the bed. He gave me some water and wiped away my tears.

He told me I was too beautiful to weep. I kissed his lips without thinking. He sat there for a few seconds and I was worried I had scared him. He gave me a small smile before planting a kiss on my forehead. He read to me from his bible until I fell asleep.

_January 15 th_

I’m no longer getting a roommate. They ended up being placed on the other side of the hospital. I guess praying does work.

_January 18 th_

I can’t stop crying tonight. I saw Joseph make that bitch May laugh today. I asked Joseph if he was fucking her. He told me he wasn’t and that he was just trying to cheer her up. I really want him to only care about me. He told me that he loved me so so much.

_January 20 th_

I really want to kill May.

_January 22 nd_

I really miss Joseph. I haven’t seen him in the last few days. I’m still mad at him about May but I still miss him.

_January 25 th_

My psychiatrist asked me if I was doing okay today. I think that I am. He had a nurse examine my scalp to see if I was still pulling my hair out. I hadn’t in months. He also asked me if I had made any friends. I think they’re trying to see if I’m having sex with Joseph. I told him that I don’t have any friends. I’m going to find a new hiding spot for my journal now.

_January 27 th_

Joseph read to me the Book of Revelations today. He explained to me how the world was going to end. I think this is my favorite story so far. Hopefully I’ll be spared.

_February 1 st_

I feel like my time here is ending soon. Joseph keeps talking about the end of the world. He told me he would protect me.

_February 7 th_

I haven’t seen Joseph in the last few days. I started ripping my hair out again. I spit in May’s milk today when she wasn’t looking.

_February 9 th_

I’m really worried about Joseph. He came in today with a black eye and bruised lip. I asked him if he was in trouble. He told me that he was jumped leaving the hospital a few days ago. He told me not to worry and that he would explain more in the next few days.

_February 10 th_

Joseph didn’t want to play chess today. He told me he had to distant himself from me. Apparently, the staff here are still suspicious of us. I sat in the TV room instead. I changed the channel to Animal Planet when I was alone.

_February 12 th_

Joseph took me to the side today and told me about what happened the other night. He hesitated before telling me he had heard the Voice of God while he was being mugged. That’s the secret that he’s been hiding from me for all these months. He can hear God. He didn’t want me to think he was crazy. I couldn’t help but laugh at that.

He’s right about everything. Many people claim to be able to hear God, but I know he can.

To make him feel better, I told him I use to hear voices. He leant in and asked me exactly what they’ve said to me before. I’ve never seen him so curious.

_February 14 th_

Joseph said he’s leaving the hospital soon. He told me he was going to get me out. He said his lawyer brother is going to find a way. He told me to have faith. He says that this is my test. That if I’m strong I’ll get to be with him forever.

I asked him if I could move in with him. He said that of course I could. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.

  _February 17 th_

I had another dream about Joseph last night. This time it was based around Genesis, a book in the Bible he had read to me. He was Adam and I was Eve. Only this time, I didn’t fall for the serpent. I didn’t eat the fruit. God told us that we could stay in Eden forever. We had passed our test.

_February 20 th_

I haven’t seen Joseph in days. He quit his job here. The walls and floors are starting to grow narrower. The paint is becoming a deeper grey. I’ve been thinking about taking my medicine again, just so the world looks normal. But Joseph told me not to, that I was a better version of myself off the pills. Hopefully I won’t have to wait much longer for him.

_March 1 st_

The voices are back.

_March 5 th_

The voices are whispering to me. I can feel them on my skin. It’s hard to turn the light off but I must. Joseph still hasn’t come to visit me. I’m starting to pull my hair out again.

_March 12 th_

I got in trouble today. They placed me in a straitjacket for a few hours after they caught me pulling my eyelashes out. I told them that the voices had told me to do so. They tried acting like they understood but I know they don’t believe me. Joseph would understand.

_March 19 th_

Joseph finally came and visited me. I couldn’t touch him. He told me I only have to be here for a few more days. I told him about the voices coming back and what they had told me to do. He asked me to stop pulling my hair out, that it was too pretty to be ripped out.

_March 22 nd_

Tomorrow’s the day I’m leaving this place forever. I asked Joseph if he’d ever send me back here. He promised he never would. He said I was too special to be locked up. He wants me to join the congregation he’s starting. I can’t wait to finally be with him outside of this place. He’ll be able to read to me all day. Maybe he’ll want to do more with me. I’m going to leave this journal here. I don’t need it anymore.


End file.
